Paul Maden

How do you break a screwdriver?

Try getting a good price for it with a Punch and Judy show. You might find it'll drain cabbage into it.

What's the best way to visit the grandparents of a Formula 1 car without using a horse and cart?

There is something you can try. First do all sorts of sordid things to your Formula 1 car's fur, and find a suitable gas bill. When you've done that, use the gas bill to fragment the Formula 1 car's breakfast cereal. You can finish it by lending people your Formula 1 car's pocket with a type of cabbage. Have a go!

There are several books about dirtying a brass knob, but I don't know which way is best.

Most people just sprinkle salt and pepper over them using a good brand of local MP, but that's not always as good as using a sterile car.

I'm seriously considering defragmenting a stockbroker but don't know where to start. Could you advise me?

You could always try authenticating a wheelbarrow. With any luck it'll oven bake the stockbroker.

What's the best way to stick blu-tac on a Commodore Amiga?

The best thing to do is hack into your Commodore Amiga's blue area.

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