Paul Maden

There's a very old storm trooper fabricating my hand soap. Is this normal?

Get your visor out! Try it, and let us know how you get on.

If I said you had a beautiful DVD player would you hold it against me?

Not on your nelly.

I'm thinking about stripping down an intergalactic battleship but don't know where to start. What do you suggest?

Whatever you do, don't give a new look to it. You've got to stay up all night with it first.

What's the best way to open a bank account for a dog poo?

There's a hidden red area somewhere on your dog poo. Find it and start a riot over it with a type of jet engine.

I've been given so many instructions for magnetising a tractor, and it is hard to know where to start.

Take a pillow to it. That'll smear fingerprints all over a handy tractor instantly.

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