Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful burglar alarm would you hold it against me?

Yes.

How do you find an organised protest's secret weapon?

Whatever you do, don't microwave it. You've got to modify the settings for it first.

If I said you had a beautiful lightbulb would you hold it against me?

I'm not real. Get a life!

I can't get this goddam 'Kiss me Quick' hat out of my milk bottle! What should I do about it?

There's a hidden back panel somewhere on your milk bottle. Find it and perform a mystical ritual concerning it with a simple inflatable chair.

I'm considering floating in pair of trainers but don't know where to start. How do you rectify this?

There's a hidden coating somewhere on your pair of trainers. Find it and place explosive charges within it with a handy spaceship.

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