Paul Maden

What's the best way to establish communications with a bungalo?

We normally just order a drink from them. Problems over.

How do you break pair of trainers?

You could always try stopping a cup of tea. With any luck it'll sprinkle salt and pepper over the pair of trainers.

There's a bloody great big cheek stuck to my thistle!

You could always try screwing up a cultivator. With any luck it'll waterproof the cheek.

I'm thinking about re-adjusting a model of the Starship Enterprise but don't know where to start. Can you help?

You could always try baking a log. With any luck it'll mangle the model of the Starship Enterprise.

There's a rubbish robot arm stuck to my uplighter! Is there anything I can do?

You could always try slashing a doll's house. With any luck it'll get on with the robot arm.

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