Paul Maden

I can't stop bottling myself with this uh... basting brush!

Take a screwdriver to it. That'll dance a rain dance round a good basting brush instantly.

Dirtying my bullet-proof vest is turning out to be quite difficult. What is the proper procedure?

Get your telephone out! There you go, problem solved.

If I said you had a beautiful bounty hunter would you hold it against me?

Yes siree!

I've experienced a hard time catching my clown's wig. Can you advise me?

First start an argument about your clown's wig's right-hand edge, and fetch your onion ring. Next use the onion ring to break the clown's wig's card table. Usually you finish by getting off with your clown's wig's didgeredoo with an available school desk. Glad to be able to help.

How do you rest your head on a distance learning package?

We normally just stick up them. Have a go!

Badvice On Demand…

You want more? No problem. Click the button below for extra Badvice.