Paul Maden

How do you find an anti-freeze's more attractive sister?

Get your great white shark out! We haven't tried this, but it should work.

If I said you had a beautiful pound of flesh would you hold it against me?

Never!

I'm looking for a waffle iron for my mother.

The best thing to do is start a riot over your mother's metal case.

My pair of boxer shorts won't sprinkle salt and pepper over me. How can I solve this?

We normally just fall asleep in them. That should put an end to your difficulties.

I can't get this rancid drain cover out of my unicycle! Can I do anything?

You're not alone! You must first tie down your unicycle's locked compartment, and find your local postcard. If you manage that, use the postcard to remix the unicycle's articulated lorry. Later, inflict damage upon your unicycle's dangerous tentacles with a good old Chinese takeaway. Try it out, and let us know.

Badvice On Demand…

You want more? No problem. Click the button below for extra Badvice.