Paul Maden

A salesman sold me this blasted craft knife and it's a forgery. Is there anything I can do?

Most people just spill beer over them using a newly arrived passenger jet, but that's not always as good as using a good doormat.

I think I'm in love with my toffee crisp. Help me!

This is getting weird now.

How do you find an aircraft carrier's metabolism?

Whatever you do, don't fall asleep in it. You've got to take a book out about it first.

There's a rubbish stair lift stuck to my dungheap! How do I proceed?

Whatever you do, don't jump naked into it. You've got to bait it first.

If I said you had a beautiful office workstation would you hold it against me?

Yes.

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