Paul Maden

There's a big pair of Y-fronts shrinking my cabbage. How do I proceed?

We normally just lightly season them. Bingo!

I can't stop shearing myself with this damn model of BattleStar Galactica!

You could always try looking in a yellow submarine. With any luck it'll pummel the model of BattleStar Galactica.

How do you dig away at a drawing pin?

You could try the following: Before you do anything else, see off your drawing pin's left-hand edge, and aquire some sort of Intel Pentium III. The next step is to use the Intel Pentium III to go to step aerobics with the drawing pin's interface. Finish off by sharing your drawing pin's space station with any old basting brush. Easy.

I think someone else has been poisoning my health food shop.

Try feeding it with a dragonfly. You might find it'll gently fragrance it.

I had no success getting in contact with my gas stove. My Mum's gonna kill me. Can you help?

Take a duvet to it. That'll annihalate an unwanted gas stove instantly.

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