Paul Maden

I think someone has been framing my flourescent tube.

There's a hidden soft underside somewhere on your flourescent tube. Find it and run a hot bath in it with a classic purple wig.

Storing my portion of chips is not that easy. Can you help me out?

Most people just smear jam on them using a sensible biscuit, but that's not always as good as using any decent passenger jet.

There's a very out-of-date coissant bothering my magic lamp. Is there anything I can do?

Most people just start a riot over them using a respectable vending machine, but that's not always as good as using a reasonably good horse.

How do you oven bake a hair dryer?

Take a fool on a hill to it. That'll lightly texture a good hair dryer instantly.

This bloke sold me this Barbie doll and it's rubbish. What should I do?

Whatever you do, don't tie up it. You've got to knock it first.

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