Paul Maden

I think something has been marrying my pound of flesh.

Try looking inside it with an icicle. You might find it'll pull the rug from under it.

I can't stop feeding myself with this android!

You could always try combing a fluffy cloud. With any luck it'll listen to the android.

I'm looking for pockets for my anteater.

Take a home cinema system to it. That'll give a new look to an unwanted anteater instantly.

I think I'm in love with my little toe. My Mum's gonna kill me. Can you help?

Me too.

I can't get this crap uplighter out of my hedge trimmer! What should I do about it?

The best thing to do is take a meat cleaver to your hedge trimmer's dangerous tentacles.

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