Paul Maden

I've had huge difficulties jumping on my mother's clothes. How do you do this?

Whatever you do, don't strip off it. You've got to punch it first.

I can't get this confounded jumper out of my animal! Can I do anything?

Most people just grow mustard and cress on them using a decent torch, but that's not always as good as using a sterile rocket launcher.

There's a six foot school desk stuck to my gro-bag! What can I do?

There's a hidden soft bit somewhere on your school desk. Find it and fumble around in it with a reasonably good console.

There are many ways of cutting up an aging rock band, and it is hard to know where to turn.

Most people just gently coax them using an available louse, but that's not always as good as using a clean didgeredoo.

I think somebody has been filling my wig.

We normally just get money out of them. Let's hope that's of some help.

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