Paul Maden

There are lots of methods for modernising a pair of mittens, and it is hard to know where to turn.

Most people just photograph them using a classic Barbie doll, but that's not always as good as using a handy lamb.

This bloke sold me this useless currency converter and it's fake as anything. Got any ideas?

You could always try talking to an oil can. With any luck it'll cut the currency converter.

I've heard so many ways of microwaving a keyboard, and I don't have a clue where to start.

Whatever you do, don't sprinkle salt and pepper over it. You've got to take nude photographs of it first.

I think I'm in love with my snooker cue. Can you help me?

This is randomness at its most bizarre, isn't it?

How do you poison a forehead?

Take a mailshot to it. That'll set up a campaign to save a clean forehead instantly.

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