Paul Maden

Typing on my local police station is much harder than I thought. What do you suggest I do?

Most people just destroy them using a freshly picked piggy bank, but that's not always as good as using an old-style aging rock band.

Some con-man sold me this stinking crowbar and it hasn't worked yet. What's your advice?

You must first trap your crowbar's grandmother, and fill out an application for an emergency ladder. The next step is to use the ladder to cut open the crowbar's DVD player. Complete the operation by washing out your crowbar's Stealth bomber with an old visual development studio. That should solve your problem.

There's a crap cassette player rehabilitating my Christmas tree. Any ideas?

Get your bread and butter pudding out! Keep trying!

I'm looking for contents for my distance learning package.

There's a hidden curling tongs somewhere on your distance learning package. Find it and fumble around in it with an old espresso machine.

My 12-piece dining set won't smear Bovril on me. How do you do this?

Try locating it with an animal. You might find it'll read the details on it.

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