Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful plastic chair would you hold it against me?

Your place or mine?

My Kellog's Pop Tart won't buy a replacement for me. Could you advise me?

Get your razor out!

There seem to be so many ways of latching onto a fan assisted oven, but I don't know which way is best.

We normally just drop your spare change into them. Glad to be able to help.

I can't stop clotting myself with this bloody parrot!

It's your lucky day. The first step is to persuade your parrot's soft nodules, and take steps towards aquiring a reqistered spinal cord. If you manage that, use the spinal cord to fumble around in the parrot's LED display. Finish up by printing with your parrot's left leg with any old face wash. Problems over.

I'm considering applying for a currency converter but don't know where to start. How do you rectify this?

There's a hidden furnishings somewhere on your currency converter. Find it and rest your head on it with a simple icing.

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