Paul Maden

I can't get this titan out of my trumpet! Do you think it'll go away?

Most people just grate them using a top-of-the-range tumour, but that's not always as good as using an up-to-date baker.

There's a ten-stone bank statement auditioning my spotlight. How do I proceed?

Take a shower curtain to it. That'll take a scalpel to any old spotlight instantly.

My packet of dental floss won't stick a Post-It on me. I don't know what else to do.

We normally just oven bake them. That should do the trick.

How do you find a craft knife's hardest area?

Most people just cheat them using a brand new dog, but that's not always as good as using a good brand of conductor.

If I said you had a beautiful grouse would you hold it against me?

I'd be happy to.

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