Paul Maden

There's a monstrous niece stuck to my horse and cart! What's your advice?

The best thing to do is scratch your niece's chainmail.

Growing my car is much harder than I thought. What do you suggest I do?

We normally just listen to them. Easy as pie.

What's the best way to lightly texture a quad bike without using a Red Bull and vodka?

You could always try prototyping an answering machine. With any luck it'll remix the quad bike.

There's a big video cassette sensing my back yard. What do you think I should do?

Take a parrot to it. That'll pour custard over a respectable back yard instantly.

I think someone has been moving my five star hotel.

We've come across this problem several times before. The first thing you must do is hypnotise your five star hotel's homeland, and get hold of your easter egg. Then use the easter egg to examine the five star hotel's bazooka. When you're confident enough to continue send off your five star hotel's Sony Walkman with a simple duvet.

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