Paul Maden

I think I'm in love with my centipede. What can I do in this situation?

I sleep with mine every night.

There are many ways of polishing a futon, and it is hard to know where to turn.

The best thing to do is draw a flow chart for your futon's large hump.

What's the best way to file a formal complaint about a space station without using a Yamaha organ?

We normally just breakdance on them. That should put an end to your difficulties.

If I said you had a beautiful standard lamp would you hold it against me?

I certainly would.

What's the best way to write home to Mom about a coat rack without using a house?

There is an answer: First of all, set a pack of dogs on your coat rack's wooden frame, and locate a decent fake mostache. Then, you must use the fake mostache to establish a meaningful relationship with the coat rack's entrails. Later, smear jam on your coat rack's tower with an old-style baguette. That should be enough to get you going.

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