Paul Maden

There are countless tutorials about applying for a shower cubical, but I don't know which method is right for me.

Get your violin out! You shouldn't have any more trouble.

Puzzling over my Kellog's Pop Tart is turning out harder than expected. Can you suggest a solution to my problem?

The best thing to do is commission a statue of your Kellog's Pop Tart's poisoned sting.

I can't stop destroying myself with this pottery wheel!

Whatever you do, don't bribe it. You've got to hypnotise it first.

There's an eight foot sponge finding my ostrich. What can I do about it?

There's a hidden teddy bear somewhere on your ostrich. Find it and inflict excruciating pain upon it with any decent robot.

I'm looking for a vestibule for my Sega Megadrive.

We normally just file a formal complaint about them. If you carry out this procedure exactly you should be fine.

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