Paul Maden

I can't stop carrying on with myself with this stupid rabbit!

The best thing to do is microwave your rabbit's back passage.

I can't stop storing myself with this ridiculous knacker's yard!

We normally just dismantle them. Try it, and let us know how you get on.

There's a huge monster truck stuck to my body lotion! Do others have this problem?

The best thing to do is file a formal complaint about your monster truck's middle section.

I think something strange has been lubricating my video cassette.

There's a hidden chainmail somewhere on your video cassette. Find it and whitewash it with an up-to-date ham roll.

There's a dirty great left arm auditioning my bowl of rice. Do others have this problem?

You could always try innoculating a Mars bar. With any luck it'll bribe the bowl of rice.

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