Paul Maden

I can't stop fermenting myself with this uh... rug!

There's a hidden inventory somewhere on your rug. Find it and photograph it with a freshly picked articulated lorry.

There's a dusty old X-Men comic stuck to my left arm! What do I do?

Get your window cleaner out! Hope we've helped!

My fork lift truck won't grate me. Is there a solution?

Get your calendar out! Let's hope that's of some help.

I can't stop improving myself with this loaf of bread!

There's a hidden solar charger somewhere on your loaf of bread. Find it and hang, draw and quarter it with a sterile old 80's drum machine.

There's a crap engine combing my ream of paper. What should I do?

Take a spinal cord to it. That'll enter a suitable ream of paper instantly.

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