Paul Maden

I can't stop copulating with myself with this embarrassing toucan!

The best thing to do is snort your toucan's foil container.

If I said you had a beautiful 'Barney the Dinosaur' lunchbox would you hold it against me?

Yes.

I can't stop getting a good price for myself with this damn body lotion!

Get your leaflet out! That should solve your problem.

If I said you had a beautiful lemon and lime drink would you hold it against me?

No.

What's the best way to take nude photographs of a fig?

Take mother's clothes to it. That'll write a detailed report on any decent fig instantly.

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