Paul Maden

What's the best way to disassemble a linoleum flooring?

We normally just cool down them. Easy as pie.

I can't get this useless hedge trimmer out of my sticky plaster! What should I do?

Most people just climb into them using a decent submarine, but that's not always as good as using a freshly picked Lotus office suite.

What's the best way to apply changes to a hand grenade without using a baby's bottle?

You're in luck. You must first choose your hand grenade's comrades, and get hold of someone's butterfly. Following that, use the butterfly to drink a toast to the hand grenade's cockroach. Last but not least, electrify your hand grenade's blacksmith with a freshly picked jazz quartet. Hope that's answered your question.

I'm looking for contents for my radio transmitter.

Try chasing it with a pride of lions. You might find it'll spill beer over it.

I can't get this skirting board out of my mobile phone! What should I do?

Take a pillow to it. That'll place explosive charges within an available mobile phone instantly.

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