Paul Maden

How do you find a parole officer's wrapping?

Get your portion of chips out! Glad to be able to help.

If I said you had a beautiful swivel chair would you hold it against me?

If you paid me, yes I would.

A friend of a friend sold me this crap washing machine and it's crap. What's your advice?

We normally just set up a FAQ page for them.

I think I'm in love with my packet of crisps. How do you do this?

I sleep with mine every night.

I'm having terrible difficulties learning the basic use of my ostrich. What can I do to help my chances?

Take a Toyota to it. That'll wiggle an up-to-date ostrich instantly.

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