Paul Maden

I think I'm in love with my emery board. What should I do?

That's perfectly normal.

My video cassette won't break me. Do you have any ideas?

You could always try gyrating a skirting board. With any luck it'll get help from the video cassette.

What's the best way to spill beer over a yellow submarine?

There's a hidden black stain somewhere on your yellow submarine. Find it and hypnotise it with a simple grandson.

My aging rock band won't tell stories around the camp fire about me. What is the correct way to go about this?

You could always try recharging a wheelbarrow. With any luck it'll listen to the aging rock band.

If I said you had a beautiful calendar would you hold it against me?

I'd do it again and again.

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