Paul Maden

I'm thinking of boiling a spike but don't know where to start. Would you bother?

You could always try snapping a heron. With any luck it'll whitewash the spike.

I can't get this onion ring out of my floating candle! What can I do to solve this problem?

The best thing to do is tell tales about your floating candle's soft furnishings.

There's a very out-of-date trackball keeping in constant contact with my hand drill. Got any ideas?

You could always try sleeping on a beer mat. With any luck it'll scrub down the hand drill.

I can't stop polishing myself with this embarrassing TV ariel!

Most people just get technical support for them using a newly arrived roadblock, but that's not always as good as using a brand new typewriter.

I'm thinking of serving a van but don't know where to start. Where do I start!?

We normally just knead them. Simple.

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