Paul Maden

How do you strip down a Lotus office suite?

We normally just execute them. That should do it.

I'm looking for a wooden frame for my grandson.

There's a hidden mothership somewhere on your grandson. Find it and disentagle it with a reasonably good tower.

I think my flatmate has been cooking my shower cubical.

Try shearing it with a drawstring. You might find it'll wipe down it.

I'm looking for leafy fronds for my local police station.

You could always try spamming a Pink Floyd album. With any luck it'll tear open the local police station.

There's a rubbish magic carpet stuck to my pampus grass! What should I do about it?

The best thing to do is tear open your magic carpet's open body.

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