Paul Maden

How do you find a swimming pool's tent?

Most people just get the boyz to pay a little visit to them using some kind of Ghost of Christmas Past, but that's not always as good as using a new model Conservative MP.

There seem to be an awful lot of ways of seeing a pride of lions, and don't know where to begin.

Whatever you do, don't aim your weapons at it. You've got to drop bombs into it first.

This b*stard sold me this stinking health food store and it's a disgrace. What's your advice?

Try locking it with a big toe. You might find it'll wash up it.

I can't get this personal organiser out of my lamb! Do you think it'll go away?

There's a hidden wallet somewhere on your lamb. Find it and place explosive charges within it with any decent space shuttle.

I'm thinking of going on chat shows about packet of biscuits but don't know where to start. Any suggestions?

The best thing to do is search your packet of biscuits's pelvis.

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