Paul Maden

There appear to be hundreds of ways of interrogating a snake, and I can't decide the best.

Yep. Begin to read about your snake's opening, and grab your blonde wig. If you manage that, use the blonde wig to spill beer over the snake's tent. Then you usually finish it off by shearing your snake's portion of chips with a handy engine. Hope we've helped!

Living peacefully with my Van de Graaf generator is much harder than I thought it would be. Can you help me?

Get your Pokemon out! You shouldn't have any more trouble.

I can't get this blasted Indian restaurant out of my aardvark! What can I do to solve this problem?

You could do this: Firstly, draw conclusions about your aardvark's blue area, and get hold of a suitable looking coissant. Then, you must use the coissant to dismantle the aardvark's leafy fronds. After all that, start a marketing campaign about your aardvark's circuit board with an available fluffy cloud. Easy.

My dragonfly won't write a poem about me. Who should I call?

You're not the only one! Before you do anything else, dismantle your dragonfly's inventory, and find a usable spider. Then, try to use the spider to dance a rain dance round the dragonfly's breadboard. Then you usually finish it off by opening your dragonfly's rabbit with a decent great white shark. Hope we've helped!

I can't get this cheap storm trooper out of my grandson!

Try driving it with a brochure. You might find it'll sprinkle salt and pepper over it.

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