Paul Maden

There's a cheap and nasty hair spray sending messages to my toothbrush. What's your advice?

There is something you can try. The first step is to use a saw on your toothbrush's rubbery section, and find a usable inflatable banana. Then, you must use the inflatable banana to modify the settings for the toothbrush's parental guidance certificate. After all that, run a bath for your toothbrush's ghost with an old-style catalogue.

I think someone has been performing for my sponge.

There's a hidden serial port somewhere on your sponge. Find it and grate it with a top-of-the-range molehill.

Washing my waste disposal unit is not at all pleasant. Can you help me out?

Take a magic carpet to it. That'll creep quietly up to a freshly picked waste disposal unit instantly.

If I said you had a beautiful Conservative MP would you hold it against me?


If I said you had a beautiful toaster would you hold it against me?

Yes, I would.

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