What would you say to some quite dreadful computer-generated advice?
Guaranteed not to help. And that's a guarantee* [citation-needed]
I can't stop slaughtering myself with this awful packet of crisps!
You could try this: Firstly, unleash the dark forces upon your packet of crisps's particulars, and ask a grownup for make-up. After that, use the make-up to spill beer over the packet of crisps's phone bill. After all that, sprinkle salt and pepper over your packet of crisps's House of Lords with an available ladder. That should be enough to get you going.
I had difficulties finding my linoleum flooring. Can you help me?
The best thing to do is dribble maple syrup over your linoleum flooring's soft bit.
My shoebox won't phone up me. Where do I start?
The manufacturer's guidelines instruct the following: You must first pour gravy into your shoebox's outboard motor, and get hold of someone's Jilly Cooper novel. Next use the Jilly Cooper novel to order a drink from the shoebox's secret compartment. Last but not least, break your shoebox's calculator with a classic pig's head. Hope we've helped!
What's the best way to write a detailed report on a rucksack?
The best thing to do is wiggle your rucksack's control plate.
Telephoning my Beatles tribute band is far too difficult. How do you rectify this?
Take a BMW to it. That'll wash up a new-grown Beatles tribute band instantly.
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