Badvice

Er.. Okay.

There is a solution: First and foremost you must smear fingerprints all over your paperclip's control plate, and if you can, get hold of a useful army boot. If you manage that, use the army boot to commission a statue of the paperclip's mother-in-law. To get best results, finish by poisoning your paperclip's pelvis with a respectable deckchair. Good luck with that one.

You're in luck. You must first locate your Ken Hom wok set's control panel, and grab hold of your personal organiser. The next step is to use the personal organiser to take a meat cleaver to the Ken Hom wok set's soft furnishings. To get best results, finish by filling your Ken Hom wok set's Mars bar with a newly arrived fork. Easy as pie.

We suggest you follow this procedure: First and foremost you must paint a picture of your make-up's smaller dials, and fetch a suitable spoon. The next step is to use the spoon to bribe the make-up's aeroplane. Finish by microwaving your make-up's pair of trainers with an available android. We haven't tried this, but it should work.

Most people just get money out of them using a good old dynamite, but that's not always as good as using a new-grown cricket box.

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