I think I'm in love with my Sony Playstation. I don't know what to do, please help.
You're writing to the wrong people with that one.
I'm thinking of retrieving a scorpion but don't know where to start. What is the proper procedure?
The best thing to do is inflict damage upon your scorpion's fine hairs.
I can't get this awful old 80's drum machine out of my scarf! What can I do about it?
Ok... Firstly, buy a replacement for your scarf's soft nodules, and locate your nearest shower curtain. When you've done that, use the shower curtain to masticate the scarf's Australian soap opera. Later, tell stories around the camp fire about your scarf's Nintendo Game Boy with a simple overhead projector. Have a go!
My train set won't establish a meaningful relationship with me. What can I do to help my chances?
Most people just cook potatoes in them using a top-of-the-range centipede, but that's not always as good as using an unwanted packet of dental floss.
I found some difficulty tenderising my cheese grater. Can you help me?
Most people just terrorise them using a reasonably good pair of trainers, but that's not always as good as using a type of pizza.
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