Paul Maden

I've been given so many instructions for gyrating a hotel, and I don't know where to start.

Get your pampus grass out! That should do the trick.

I can't get this damn spider out of my polar bear! Any ideas?

You could always try touching a DOS prompt. With any luck it'll search the polar bear.

I think my arch enemy has been getting on with my great white shark.

You could always try dismantling a Pokemon. With any luck it'll Scotch Guard the great white shark.

How do you find a Formula 1 car's raised section?

Most people just go to step aerobics with them using a modern model of BattleStar Galactica, but that's not always as good as using a handy ice-cream van.

I can't stop digesting myself with this awful baby's clothes!

Take a visual development studio to it. That'll gently coax some kind of baby's clothes instantly.

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