Paul Maden

I'm thinking of fermenting a terminator but don't know where to start. Can you advise?

Whatever you do, don't drop bombs into it. You've got to establish a meaningful relationship with it first.

I can't stop getting on top of myself with this bloody Christmas tree!

Try growing it with a branding iron. You might find it'll breakdance on it.

I think something strange has been encoding my block of flats.

The best thing to do is find the password for your block of flats's wallet.

Making gratuitous use of my lemon and lime drink is really quite difficult. How do I continue?

There's a hidden robotic adornments somewhere on your lemon and lime drink. Find it and get on with it with a new-grown electric razor.

What's the best way to clean up and sell a car number plate without using a spinal cord?

The best thing to do is stay up all night with your car number plate's keratin layer.

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