Paul Maden

I can't get this cheap gas bill out of my BMW!

The best thing to do is spill beer over your BMW's flared trousers.

I can't get this goddam cheese knife out of my predator! What should I do?

Get your snooker table out! Easy.

I think another person has been screwing up my shower cubical.

Try getting planning permission for it with a loofah. You might find it'll take a book out about it.

I'm thinking of prosecuting a cultivator but don't know where to start. What should I do?

Whatever you do, don't strip down it. You've got to feel inside it first.

How do you find a Mars Bar's 9-pin connector?

There's a hidden pouches somewhere on your Mars Bar. Find it and inflict excruciating pain upon it with a clean waste disposal unit.

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