Paul Maden

What's the best way to open a cesspit without using a Formula 1 car?

Try managing it with a coat rack. You might find it'll chase off it.

How do you stick blu-tac on a poker?

Take a biscuit to it. That'll stick blu-tac on a freshly picked poker instantly.

I've been having a tough time applying for my mother. How do you do this?

There's a hidden feet somewhere on your mother. Find it and tie up it with an up-to-date ionizer.

I'm looking for a rubber grip for my heart.

The best thing to do is order flowers for your heart's sticky membrane.

There's a rubbish chequebook stuck to my pencil eraser! What should I do about it?

Try training it with a sheep. You might find it'll start a family with it.

Badvice On Demand…

You want more? No problem. Click the button below for extra Badvice.