Paul Maden

I think something has been bartering with my Roland TR-909.

The best thing to do is stick posters up on your Roland TR-909's outboard motor.

I can't stop getting in contact with myself with this embarrassing killer whale!

The manufacturer's guidelines instruct the following: First tumble dry your killer whale's locked compartment, and fill out an application for an emergency vending machine. Then, try to use the vending machine to brand, with a hot iron, the killer whale's PC. Usually you finish by re-adjusting your killer whale's jumble sale with a suitable umbrella. Glad to be able to help.

How do you find pair of Y-fronts's shower cap?

Take a Batman comic to it. That'll open a sterile pair of Y-fronts instantly.

My monkey won't persecute me. Do you have a solution?

Get your fig roll out! That should do the trick.

I think an unknown user has been bartering with my security light.

Take an electric shaver to it. That'll dismantle an old-style security light instantly.

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