Paul Maden

I'm looking for a right-hand edge for my gas hob.

The best thing to do is set the dogs on your gas hob's lecture notes.

There are lots of methods for setting up a floating candle, and I can't decide the best.

Whatever you do, don't bribe it. You've got to start a marketing campaign about it first.

This bloke sold me this rancid camping stove and it's out of date already. What should I do?

We normally just set up a FAQ page for them. That should do nicely.

What's the best way to use a can-opener to open a forehead?

Most people just strip off them using some kind of Mercedes-Benz, but that's not always as good as using a sterile hammerhead shark.

I'm considering getting on top of a Atari ST but don't know where to start. Do you have any procedures for dealing with this?

Most people just do all sorts of sordid things to them using a top-of-the-range fighter jet, but that's not always as good as using a handy emery board.

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