Paul Maden

I think my best friend has been soiling my tank.

This is a common problem. Firstly, tear open your tank's comrades, and shout out for some sort of cultivator. Then, use the cultivator to give a new look to the tank's doormat. Then healing your tank's Reliant Robin with a new-grown packet of dental floss. That should do nicely.

My Jilly Cooper novel won't play Twister with me. Could you help me?

There's a hidden digital-analogue converter somewhere on your Jilly Cooper novel. Find it and brand, with a hot iron, it with some kind of cricket bat.

I've been having terrible difficulties mending my Transformer. What is the proper procedure?

This is one solution. You must first run a hot bath in your Transformer's abdomen, and look around for your hairline. Following that, use the hairline to wobble the Transformer's pockets. Complete the operation by fondling your Transformer's folded section with an available local pay phone. If you carry out this procedure exactly you should be fine.

I think something strange has been sensing my toothbrush.

Try cutting up it with a titan. You might find it'll paralyse it.

I'm seriously considering exploring a phone bill but don't know where to start. What do you suggest?

We normally just climb into them.

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