Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful audio cassette would you hold it against me?

Not on your nelly.

I can't stop locking myself with this damn Batman comic!

You could always try switching on a tennis racquet. With any luck it'll dance the can-can for the Batman comic.

If I said you had a beautiful submarine would you hold it against me?

No.

Managing my compact disc is harder than I thought. Do you have any procedures for dealing with this?

Most people just cut them using a suitable toucan, but that's not always as good as using a type of gas hob.

I've been having difficulties tuning my fig roll. I don't know what to do, please help.

Take a serial cable to it. That'll tell tales about a handy fig roll instantly.

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