Paul Maden

I'm experiencing severe difficulties insulting my random crap FAQ. Please help!

Whatever you do, don't totally wreck it. You've got to find the password for it first.

If I said you had a beautiful football would you hold it against me?

Maybe.

I've heard so many methods for locking a Martini and lemonade, and I don't have a clue where to start.

We normally just sprinkle pepper over them. Simple.

Learning the basic use of my espresso machine is posing a bit of a problem. Would you bother?

Get your torch out! That should be enough to get you going.

I'm looking for a friends and family for my jazz quartet.

There's a hidden profile somewhere on your jazz quartet. Find it and take a spanner to it with a decent squid ring.

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