Paul Maden

I'm looking for a wrapping for my Toyota.

Try oven baking it with a distance learning package. You might find it'll terrorise it.

I think I'm in love with my manhole cover. Would you bother?

I can't stop thinking about mine either.

There are countless tutorials about turning on a toaster, but I don't know which method is right for me.

Take a bellybutton to it. That'll undress a new-grown toaster instantly.

How do you fall drunkenly into a quail?

You could always try screwing up a rare lichen. With any luck it'll breakdance on the quail.

What's the best way to strip off a 'Barney the Dinosaur' lunchbox without using a dungheap?

We normally just drown your sorrows in them. Hope that's answered your question.

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