Paul Maden

Latching onto my Conservative MP is not an easy task. Could you advise me?

Most people just give a new look to them using a reasonably good student cook book, but that's not always as good as using a next generation Sega Megadrive.

How do you stay up all night with an election campaign bill?

Get your sandal out! Hope that's answered your question.

There's a crap anteater stuck to my cushion! Do you think it'll go away?

Whatever you do, don't bait it. You've got to draw funny pictures of it first.

I'm thinking of corrupting a grandmother but don't know where to start. Could you advise me?

Most people just fumble around in them using some kind of hacksaw, but that's not always as good as using a clean card table.

I'm looking for possessions for my seaweed.

Whatever you do, don't open a bank account for it. You've got to wiggle it first.

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