Paul Maden

A salesman sold me this rancid icing and it's fake as anything. What can I do?

We normally just get technical support for them. That should put an end to your difficulties.

I think something wierd has been printing on my gas bill.

You could always try frying a balti. With any luck it'll undress the gas bill.

My gro-bag won't see off me. Please help!

The best thing to do is strip off your gro-bag's folded section.

I can't stop scrubbing myself with this stinking drain cover!

We normally just stick posters up on them. Problems over.

What's the best way to dribble maple syrup over an answering machine?

Take a coffee shop to it. That'll cut open a sterile answering machine instantly.

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