Paul Maden

I'm looking for a secret compartment for my engine.

Get your pair of trainers out! Glad to be able to help.

My icing won't commission a statue of me. What do I do?

You could do this: Before you do anything else, smear jam on your icing's camera lens, and obtain some kind of blacksmith. Then use the blacksmith to run a hot bath in the icing's vestibule. Complete the procedure by torching your icing's baseball bat with a top-of-the-range cross-channel ferry. That's the best you can do.

There are countless tutorials about polluting a Persian rug, and it is very confusing.

Take a viola to it. That'll sprinkle pepper over an available Persian rug instantly.

I'm looking for an expansion slot for my iceburg lettuce.

Take a chess set to it. That'll set a pack of dogs on a freshly picked iceburg lettuce instantly.

My mirror won't tie up me. How do I continue?

You could always try microwaving a butcher. With any luck it'll throw rotten vegetables at the mirror.

Badvice On Demand…

You want more? No problem. Click the button below for extra Badvice.