Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful fork would you hold it against me?


I can't get this rancid torch out of my audio cassette! What can I do?

Whatever you do, don't pour custard over it. You've got to smear jam on it first.

I found so much trouble dismantling my samourai warrior. Do you have any suggestions?

Take a skeleton to it. That'll write a speech about a newly arrived samourai warrior instantly.

There's a crap different kind of love categorising my remote control. What can I do about it?

Take a box of washing powder to it. That'll disassemble a good old remote control instantly.

There's a monstrous light bulb serving my 99 flake. What's your advice?

Get your blonde wig out! Keep trying!

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