Paul Maden

If I said you had a beautiful fork would you hold it against me?

Yes.

I can't get this rancid torch out of my audio cassette! What can I do?

Whatever you do, don't pour custard over it. You've got to smear jam on it first.

I found so much trouble dismantling my samourai warrior. Do you have any suggestions?

Take a skeleton to it. That'll write a speech about a newly arrived samourai warrior instantly.

There's a crap different kind of love categorising my remote control. What can I do about it?

Take a box of washing powder to it. That'll disassemble a good old remote control instantly.

There's a monstrous light bulb serving my 99 flake. What's your advice?

Get your blonde wig out! Keep trying!

Badvice On Demand…

You want more? No problem. Click the button below for extra Badvice.