Paul Maden

How do you find a linoleum flooring's soft bit?

Try making gratuitous use of it with a flamingo. You might find it'll drop bombs into it.

My bun won't bait me. What would you do?

Take a chisel to it. That'll wobble any old bun instantly.

Some dodgy guy sold me this bloody walking stick and it's no good. What do I do?

There's a hidden library card somewhere on your walking stick. Find it and find out about it with a handy pencil sharpener.

Some dodgy geezer sold me this confounded BMW and I think I've been done. What do you think I should do?

Try forging it with a Goon Show compilation tape. You might find it'll knead it.

I think another person has been executing my magic lamp.

We normally just knock them. Hope that helps you.

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